I miss her.
The way her eyes lit up when I walked in the door.
Feet shuffling quickly to embrace me before her limbs could no longer carry her another step.
Arms wrapped shakily around my shoulders,
Mustering every bit of energy left to hug me as if it were her last time.
Captivated by my every word.
Consumed by my every movement.
Entranced by my every smile.
Pride seeped through her skin
Allowing her to glow as though she were an angel straight from the Lord's side.
And she was.
Cliche as it may seem she was.
My sentiments do not stay grounded in only her perception of me
But instead in her ability to see right through me.
Her effortless instincts to protect me.
Because she loved me.
Just as her love hovered over my brother, mother, aunts, and cousins.
Just as the grace bestowed upon her by God was translated into a rare beauty I was blessed to see.
For she saw in everyone the very things we were to0 scared to see in ourselves.
Forgiveness was not a choice but instead an automatic subconscious that would routinely flow from her soul.
She was an angel sent from the Lord's side.
And I miss her.
And yet I took her for granted.
Neglected the opportunities to learn from her mistakes.
Rejected the chance to harness her wisdom.
Dismissed the flighting moments in which I could have stored better memories.
Those picture movies that are never more precious than in times like these.
Because a year after her departure from Earth,
The memories of her suffering overwhelm the memories of her health.
Her pain consumes her happiness.
Her loss dominates my heart.
So I sleep with her picture beside my bed.
Hoping that I can one day see the upset of good over bad.
Exchanging the unwanted memories with those I wish to remember better.
Restoring the picture movie.
Enhancing the past.
Because a year after her departure from this Earth,
I still miss her.
RIP Grandma Sandy.
Forever Loved
Forever Missed
Casaundra Johnson
October 27, 2009
4:28am
